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Obituary: Starkloff remembered as force for change, example for many

This article first appeared in the St. Louis Beacon, Jan. 5, 2011 - Hundreds of friends and family, including many people who have disabilities, celebrated the life of Max D. Starkloff, pioneer, role model, father and husband at St. Francis Xavier "College" Church today in midtown St. Louis.

Eight of Mr. Starkloff's friends and family remembered him in different ways at the service, shining a light on his public service, his passion and compassion, and his gift for inspiring others to join the disability rights movement.

But if a common thread ran through each remembrance, it was of a man who set an example.

Mr. Starkloff became a quadriplegic in 1959 at age 21 after a car accident on a rural Missouri road. Doctors told him he had just a few days to live, and a priest administered last rites.

"And here we are 52 years later, celebrating the life of a man who helped change the world," said Charles Claggett, Mr. Starkloff's biographer and chairman of the board of the Starkloff Disability Institute. "Max was living proof that one should never underestimate a person with a disability."

Charlie Carr and Marca Bristo, both of whom are disabled, spoke of Mr. Starkloff as a wellspring of encouragement for their efforts first to get a grip on their lives after accidents put them in wheelchairs and then to help others.

"I met Max at a time when I need to look up to someone," Carr said. "He was someone who shared my pain and then used that pain as a tool for change."

One of those changes, along with curb cuts, accessible entrances to buildings and buses with wheelchair ramps that are well known to just about everyone, involved establishing independent living centers (ILCs). These centers encourage and counsel people with disabilities to live independent lives outside of nursing homes. Starkloff's Paraquad was among the first independent living centers. Carr runs an ILC in Massachusetts, and Bristo runs one in Chicago.

Carr was injured in a diving accident at beach in Massachusetts when he was 15. Like Mr. Starkloff, he spent years in institutions putting up with care that was patronizing and aimed at little more than keeping him alive. Carr called it "incarceration."

Carr said that both he and Mr. Starkloff together "vowed never to let it happen again for anyone."

Bristo, who also suffered a spinal cord injury in a diving accident at a young age, said she met Mr. Starkloff not long after. She said Mr. Starkloff's story personal story inspired her. He spent 12 years in a nursing home, then emerged not only with a mission but a wife - and not long after adopted children, Meaghan, Maxim and Emily.

Mr. Starkloff demonstrated that "disability is a normal part of the human condition," Bristo said. "He carried that message to those of us with disabilities in everything that he did."

Bristo, the mother of two children, is the recipient of three presidential appointments from President Bill Clinton and one congressional appointment to disability policy positions.

The Rev. Thomas Molini, pastor of St. Gerard Majella Catholic Church in Kirkwood, delivered the homily. He was among a phalanx of Catholic clergy who participated in the Mass. Mr. Starkloff's late brother, Carl, was a Jesuit priest; and the Starkloff family has maintained close ties to Saint Louis University over the years. Mr. Starkloff and his wife, Colleen, were married at the college church on Oct. 4, 1975, the day after Mr. Starkloff left a nursing facility for the last time.

The Rev. Molini said Mr. Starkloff's contributions to create accessibility for people with disabilities were a part of something far more important. "Is it enough to get into a building if it's only an accommodation?" Rev. Molini asked. "Max lived beyond these gains. He created the Starkloff Institute to ask deeper questions about our relationships as people."

The Starkloff Institute was established to challenge employers to change their attitudes about disabled workers. Unemployment among disabled people exceeds 70 percent. The institute aims to develop "role model" companies that include disability in their diversity policies, train decision makers in disability issues and spread the message to other companies.

Colleen Kelly Starkloff, who partnered with her husband in all of his forays into public life, did not speak at the Mass. Her thoughts were included in the program for the service. She called meeting Mr. Starkloff at a nursing home where she was working her first job a physical therapist "the first day of the rest of my life."

"Max had a way of drawing people to him. He had wisdom about human nature and knew how to communicate a message in very compelling ways," Colleen Starkloff wrote. "Not everyone was comfortable around him, though, because his disability intimidated them. His dignity showed on his face and the set to his jaw was firm, which made him seem formidable at times. He used this to his advantage with policymakers and others who seemed resistant to his message about equality for and independence for all people.

"But to his family, friends and people with disabilities, he was warm and welcoming, understanding and approachable, witty with a great sense of humor ...

"I've lost the love of my life, my best friend, my confidant, my mentor, my strength, my hero. He has left us with a tremendous gift and legacy - to continue the work he has started. I invite all of you to join me in continuing his righteous and noble work, and achieve true independence and equality for all person with disabilities and their families. I count on you ... I love you! Lead On!"