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Commentary: A Baptist conversation on sex - more talk is better

This article first appeared in the St. Louis Beacon, May 8, 2012 - Two weeks ago I reminded my Baptist congregation why we stand against pre-marital sex. It might lead to dancing.

That is an old, but relevant, joke. We Baptists, like much of America today, have issues with sex. At a recent conference in Atlanta (held at First Baptist Church Decatur), 150 Baptist leaders from around the country discussed what is often categorized as a “don’t ask, don’t tell” issue – particularly in church.  The meeting was entitled:  “A [Baptist] Conference on Sexuality and Covenant.”

Sex and sexuality are confusing and contentious – probably always, but particularly today. The conference was recognition of this fact and an attempt to deal with this reality. There was much fear among the planners. Preparations were made with police. Ushers were prepped to escort the rowdy to the doors. Protestors were anticipated. Fortunately all this preparation was for naught.

The conference was a beautiful conversation, the kind that seems all too rare in today’s United States. There was disagreement, but never a raised voice or a pointed finger. There were many (at least in my ear shot) asking why we couldn’t have conversations like that in our congregations. I’m glad to say we do at Kirkwood Baptist.

Given that Missouri is having its own mirror issues with this topic and that there are many Baptists and evangelicals who are a part of this conversation, I'd like to make the following observations.

First, what goes underappreciated is that on both sides of the cultural divide stand good-hearted Americans who want nothing but the best for their families and our nation.

The vast majority of conservative Christians do not hate gay people. They just don't know any gay people. Or possibly they don’t know they know them. What they know, and hear quoted too often without context, are one or two Bible verses (out of six) that appear to deal with the issue.

On the other side, I've yet to meet a LBGT person who has an "agenda" outside of living a free and full life. I'll probably get in trouble for saying this, but the gay people in my congregation are among the most boring people I know. I mean, of course, they're hard-working Americans who are early to bed and early to rise. Their agenda is to serve God and live well.

There are obvious exceptions to this. The Baptist pastor in North Carolina, Sean Harris, who encouraged parents to "punch" a boy who is effeminate and "crack that wrist" if he is limp-wristed is one such exception. His words, widely condemned for good reason, are inexcusable. His explanation (that the words were taken out of the "context of a ministry," and that he meant them "figuratively," and that Jesus, too, "conjures up violent images”) isn’t satisfactory.

Fortunately he has offered a retraction deploring violence against children, but unfortunately claiming the gospel can cure effeminacy. I’ve never seen that work. Ex-gay “ministries” have wreaked havoc on a number of people I know. But I have seen the gospel cure hatred and open minds. I have seen Christians have the “ah ha!” moment of St. Peter who came to say, “oh, now I know God shows no favoritism!”

Of course, there are other such examples of Christian extremism (e.g., the tiny Westboro church). What I’d love to be able to argue is that it is rare. But it is not as rare as it should be; particularly when you have legislators proposing HB 2051, which would make the discussion of sexuality illegal outside of the science classroom. I find it amazing that this is being discussed in a land of liberty, but I know the source of such legislation is fear of a minority and the change they represent.

There is nothing to fear, but fear. Except, that is, the violence born of that fear.

The second observation is to my Christian brothers and sisters. Once you understand that orientation is largely hardwired along a spectrum - which all scientific accounts show and the countless stories of LGBT people describe - then this becomes a justice issue. We have no right to remain silent. Jesus never mentions the topic at all, but his teachings call us to cross the boundaries of our comfort zone so that we might love, accept, help and heal those whose paths we cross.

At the heart of all of the teachings of Jesus is an ever-expanding circle of empathy. At the heart of the early church is this same ever-expanding circle of empathy. Not only must we re-read scripture in light of all we are learning (as did those who slowly came to realize that Galileo was correct about the Earth’s rotation), but we must come to terms with the churches' responsibility for homophobia, bulling, violence and suicides. We must overcome our prejudices and deal honestly with our complicity in the evil rejection of a minority of people who, if they have an agenda, follow the agenda of Plato, Shakespeare, W.H. Auden and Elton John.

My last observation to all Americans who've being willing (in this hyper-active world) to read this far. We won't settle the "issue" of sex - in all of its complexities; nor will we settle the “question” of orientation - in all its vagaries - anytime soon. What we all agree upon is that violence is never acceptable and that education is always better than ignorance. That fact, among others, ought to compel us to call upon our legislators to reject HB 2051.

And for the sake of our children, and the common good, let’s continue to talk about sex and sexuality. Fortunately for me and my two left feet, that conversation has no connection to dancing.

Scott L. Stearman is senior pastor of Kirkwood Baptist Church.